Bleats Marks the Spot
Posted on Mon Sep 19th, 2022 @ 8:21pm by Commander Jonathan Mantell & Lieutenant M'rrina & Lieutenant Rufus Marocain & Tulilah Cel
Mission:
Back Post
Location: Hot on the Trail of TREASURE
Timeline: Talk Like a Pirate Day, 2397
2231 words - 4.5 OF Standard Post Measure
"Baa-aaa-aaa!"
"Arrrrrrrrrr!"
"Baa-aaa-aaa!"
"No, ARRRRR!" The boy with the peg leg was kneeling down, which was harder than it looked! The goat nibbled food from his hand, tickling the skin of his palm, but he was too focused on teaching it the right way to pirate to take notice. "Arrrrrr," the boy enunciated once more, waiting for the goat to respond.
"Baa-aaa-aaa!"
The pirate boy brought his hand up to ruffle the goat's fur between its horns, scoffing at the silly beast. "Yarr, at least ye be cute!"
Standing in the middle of the corridor, the Dread Pirate Jack looked a little silly himself. He cocked the bicorn hat on his head, hobbling forward on the peg leg until the line in his hand went taut. "Yarr, thar be no time for dawdling. Come now, we have treasure to find!"
Sniff Rufus followed his nose as much as his ears to the scene. "Hey, did you get a goat for the goat locker?"
"A goat locker? Well blow me down!" Cap'n Jack stepped back on his real leg, tipping his hat back so he could look up at his trusty Seadog, Rufus! "Rufus, you're sharper than a crow's nest on a blust'ry day. Nay, this goat be the finest in gold-sniffing goats the galaxy has to offer!"
The caninoid's ears flipped back. "The best goat in the galaxy couldn't sniff anything as half as well as the worst Kainan," he chuffed. "You ask me, that goat's value is as meat." Sharp teeth flashed a moment as he smacked his lips on the last word.
“Is this because I ate the parrot?” M’rrina flicked her ears, laden with gold hoop earrings, as she looked at the goat…appraisingly.
"The parrot twas but a snack," Rufus laughed. "Now goat... there be good eatin' on goat."
"Stay yer swords —and teeth!— me hearties!" Jack tugged at the line again, urging the stubborn goat closer to him. He hobbled back to join it, placing a hand on its back. "Yarr, the parrot was a treasured lad. The only medicine for me poor heart is that he flies free in Davy Jones' Nebula!"
The Dread Pirate Jack surveyed his swarthy crew, his trusty Seadog Rufus and the crafty Ship's Cat M'RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRina, judging their hunger for meat as true as any hunger for treasure. "Hold fast, mateys, by the time we're through we'll have a prize better than any goat." He started forward, pausing for a moment to hold up a finger. "And a prize goat!"
"Well enough," Rufus barked a laugh. "but what treasure could be better than prize goat? Can it lead us to its whole flock?"
“He didn’t say anything about staying claws…” M’rrina said half-heartedly to Rufus; her own extending just a bit; hopefully.
"Claws? Nay, we need a mop to swab our Seadog's barnacled ears." The pirate laughed, a hearty belly laugh, sending the goat skittering forward a few stepps. He hobbled his peg leg to catch up, taking hold of the line again before the Dread Pirate Jack proudly proclaimed. "Trade Master Noj assured me this goat was the finest of his flock, a beats above beasts, a hunter like none other." His eyes glinted beneath the wide, bicorn hat, and the pirate boy showed a mouthful of teeth. "Gold, me hearties, we hunt in search of buried treasure. Gold and latinum and riches beyond the dreams of avarice!"
"A hunter?" the Kainan guffawed. "Noj has sold ye a load of bilge. Goats be prey what's hunted. That beast could no more hunt than a shark could sing."
"Gold is good. You can use it to buy meat." M'rrina's tail perked up a bit higher, and her ears flicked again. "Suppose we can eat the goat later."
"Thar's the spirit, weigh anchors and onward to adventure!" Jack fished something from the deep pockets of his overcoat, bending down to offer it to the goat. A floral scent wafted up from the talisman of treasured delights, which the goat ate as eagerly as it ate anything. The pirate boy patted the goat as it bleated, its sturdy legs scampering forward as he strained to keep up on his peg leg. The line slipped from his fingers as the goat rushed for gold and treasure, heading toward the section of the science labs. "Thar she blows! After that goat!"
"Arr, the meat be getting away!" Rufus exclaimed and took off after it at top two-leg speed (no need to be unsporting - even a magic gold-sniffing goat could not possibly run faster on four than he could on two).
"Yarr!" The Dread Pirate Jack hobbled along after Rufus, wincing with every quickened step of his peg leg. Finally, the boy bent down to pull the prosthetic off his knee, the suction cup making a loud POP as it came off. He shook his miraculously cleared leg and started off running, shouting to the back of his furry companions as they disappeared around the bend of the corridor, "Hey wait for—" then shook his head as well. "Avast, ye be quick, but I be clever!"
Slapping his chest for the combadge tucked underneath his overcoat, the pirate boy shouted to the computer. "Ahoy, computer me hearty! Bend the topgallant and sail me to the Science Labs!"
[Unable to comply, please restate request.]
"Well, blow me down!" Cap'n Jack sighed, making a note to program the computer with some friendlier language the next time he hung up his hat. "Computer, initiate site-to-site transport. Beam me outside of the Main Science Lab!"
Panicked hoof beats clattered down the corridor as the goat fled the two huge predators in hot pursuit. Rufus had a slight lead on M'rrina by virtue of longer legs and taking off faster, but the felinoid was close behind. As the goat swerved around a bend toward the science labs, Rufus looked up to see transport effect forming directly in their path.
"Blow me down - it's gonna hit the beam!" He launched himself, lounging forward to grab the goat around its midsection and slam it down in tackle that would've made his old rugby coach, if not his predator ancestors, proud.
M'rrina actually sailed forward over Rufus' lunge with a pounce that would've possibly actually done her ancestors proud (or possibly not: they'd have already been eating the goat, after all); and ended up holding the front half of the goat, the trio of them collapsing together onto the deck in a tangle of furred bodies and limbs.
Jack materialized right in front of the goat-napping, grinning from corner to corner of his hat. He tucked the peg leg under his arm, reaching forward to ruffle the fur on the goat's head again. "Good boy." He glanced up at Rufus and M'rrina, a spark of recognition forming an O on his face —not a very pirate letter. "Thar's the spirit, me hearties! Don't gorge yerselves yet, we goat—we got gold to find."
Rufus sniffed the goat's succulent neck. "Grrr ....er, Arrr, that gold best be on foil covering meat patties," he grumbled, with an echoing grumble from his stomach. But he released the tasty booty and got up, eying the goat as though daring it to try its luck against predator instincts by running again.
"Rufus, me trusty Seadog, we shall have a feast beyond all reckoning," Jack grinned and giggled, pulling the peg leg out again. He let it fall, tapping it into the palm of his open hand a few times. "Where be the plunder? Thar be yer focus!" The pirate boy tapped Rufus with his peg leg, listening for a hollow sound in the Seadog's skull. He grinned when he couldn't hear it and stepped back. "Quiet yer stomach, think like a swarthy pirate!"
He glanced to the Ship's Cat, "M'RRRRRRRina, I hear tall tales, can any be so true?" Cap'n Jack leaned close to the felinoid, a twinkling in his glassy eyes. "That yer eyes be the sharpest of the seven quadrants?! I be in dire need of eyes like yers, be my lookout today?" He tipped his hat back to look at her better, winking, "Treasure often hides in deep, dark coves, but the cleverest hides in plain sight."
"Like the goat." M'rrina licked her lips, claw tips extending slightly from her fingers before she pulled them back in: Pouncing on something this tasty looking and not eating it had better have a huge treasure at the end. "What arr we looking for?"
"Aye," Rufus agreed, licking his lips. "If we be looking for treasure, 'tis naught here but whatever Nolan will next cause to blow."
"Baa-aaa-aaa!" The goat stopped a hoof. "Baa-aaa-aaa!"
"Me thinks ye both hunt better on a full stomach." Cap'n Jack threw a hand to his head, nearly tipping the bicorn hat from its perch. He leaned over toward the doors to the science lab, jerking back as they hissed open. A smile brimming beneath the brim of his hat, he peeked back inside, then strode confidently out in front of the doors. "Alas!" The pirate boy's mouth hung for a moment, then snapped up as he considered his two, hungry, mateys. "Nolan's lair looks pillaged already. What see you, my savvy Ship's Cat?"
"Not enough fish." M'rrina glared at the pillaged sushi assortment tail switching back and forth slightly.
At the moment Tulilah, the Princess Corsair, decked scarfed head to thigh-high boots in piratey gear, strode onto the scene. "Ha! What kind of pirates plunder goats?" she asked with a hearty laugh.
"The swarthy, rich pirates!" Cap'n Jack snapped, sighting the crafty fiend known far and wide as the Princess Corsair. His eyes narrowed at the pirate lass, knowing too well how double-edged her sword could be. "Yarr, we will be, once the goat leads us to filthy riches and plunder." He paused for a moment, considering how deadly it was to make an enemy of Tulilah. "Gold enough for another, I reckon!"
"The goat can find riches?" Tulilah snickered, which prompted an indignant "Baaa-aa" from the goat, who advanced and nudged her with its nose.
"Aww, well aren't you sweet," the girl pirate coo-ed, and stroked its forehead. Then she looked up, with a grin. "He says he's found the treasure." She wept an arm to the side, palm up, as if displaying her own self.
"Yeah right!" Jack caught himself saying it, clearing his throat in a moment of confusion before the Dread Pirate Jack re-asserted himself. "Yarr, if yer the treasure I'll be keelhauled!" He swatted at her arm, closing on the goat to rub its furry head again. "This be the gold-sniffing goat, not the perfume-sniffing pig!"
"If it's attracted to perfume, maybe we should eat it..." Rufus mused aloud.
"It's not. I don't wear perfume," Tulilah countered lifting her chin. Then she pulled a bag from her belt and hefted it in one hand. "But I do have gold."
"If that's all the gold this goat is leading us to..." M'rrina's tail lashed a bit more, gold tail rings jangling, as she shared a knowing look with Rufus.
"Shiver me timbers!" Cap'n Jack reached forward to snatch the bag from the Princess Corsair, beady eyes bursting from their sockets. He stooped over it, prying the bag's clever closure apart. "How did a mere lass come by such treasure, such wonder, such...." The pirate boy ripped the bag apart, upendings its rich, shimmering treasure into the air where it fluttered all over him. His bicorn hat, his buckled overcoat, and his peg leg, all the great parts that made him the Dread Pirate Jack, were now covered in a layer of gold-colored glitter. Cap'n Jack blew a stream of air from his lips, freeing the glitter from his nose and eyelashes, before turning on Tulilah. "VILLAINY!"
M'rrina jumped backward in horror: Glitter on fur was a nightmare. Still, as is the way with glitter, a few flecks found their way to her regardless.
More flecks swirled as a second cloud of glitter erupted when Rufus instinctive shook to dislodge the evil sparkles coating his fur. Even after shaking it hung on him, he rubbed his whiskers, then spit when the nasty stuff went from muzzle to inside his mouth. "Gah!" he exclaimed wiping his tongue. "Now can we eat the goat?"
The Dread Pirate Jack whipped the foam sword from his belt, waving it in front of the Princess Corsair. "There can be no other answer, ye vile corsair! Corsair? Ha, more like Cursed Hair!" He leered at the lass, circling around her. "Draw your sword, or I'll make ye walk the plank!"
Tulilah lifted the remains of her glitter. "I could curse yours more." With that she drew her sword and tossed the rest of glitter, yelling. "Run goat! I'll keep these scallywags at bay!"
The Dread Pirate Jack gasped at the accursed glitter raining down upon him, battering through its deceitful veil with his sword to reach the corsair upstart. "Rufus, me trusty Seadog, M'RRRRRRRRina me savvy Ship's Cat, save that....yarr, whatever, save me a leg!"
He was going to work up a pirate's hunger fending off the Princess Corsair and her wicked, double-edged sword.
